… on… becoming….

58 years ago at this time I was in the second trimester before my birth.

In only a few months I will come into being for the 58th time.

So much has happened since I was first conceived.

I continue to change and evolve –

Into a being who is genetically predestined by choice.

I am the paradox.

I am the quandary.

I am the essence of joy and sadness –

Working out my own salvation with care and understanding.

My own manifest destiny.

 

… monster within …

THE MONSTER WITHIN

THE MONSTER WITHIN

Each of us carries within, a monster that we were born with. Depending on your religion you are taught to battle with this monster and overcome it. It has many names – Christianity calls it “original sin”.  Laws are passed to control it.  But I have yet to see someone who has defeated or eliminated this beast. They may be able to suppress it, lock it away, in attempts to control it; but the fact remains, it still escapes from time to time to reveal it’s threatening face. It’s this battle with the inner monster that has led people outwardly to express contempt, rage, ignorance and violence directed at self and others. In fact when in battle with the monster one is frequently overcome by the monster. One may be in battle with the monster even while trying to do good but when that happens it will lead to suffering and misunderstanding.  Remember Frankenstein’s monster who accidentally drowned the little girl? The monster did harm to the child without intending. ( https://youtu.be/v5FtI472Q6I – if you need a refresher). In equating the child to the pretty flowers that were floating on the water he threw her in expecting her to float. But because the monster was in control she died which brought not only suffering to her and others but also to himself.

Has anyone thought of befriending the monster? What about treating the monster with compassion and care as if it were an injured child instead of some wild beast that must be “put down”? When we take care of our monster and treat it with compassion, love and care we can soothe the beast within preventing harm to others as well as ourselves. Preventing suffering for others and ourselves. Take care of your monster. Love your monster. Have compassion on it. It is a part of you. When you take care of it you take care of yourself. If Frankenstein had actually loved his monster and had compassion for it he would have taken care of it instead of pursuing his megalomania.

In fact it is possible that your monster can actually help you.
Your monster can be a great source of motivation. You can use it’s energy to be of benefit and do good things. It can be your energy to stay focused and press on at a time when things start to drag. This takes practice. First compassion, love and caring.

When did we learn to be afraid of our monster?

***about the photo: this image was taken at an abandoned mental institution called Molly Stark State Hospital. The local county has turned the grounds into the wonderful Molly Stark Park near Louisville, OH. The buildings still stand in their slow decay with boarded up windows and doors because the cost for demolition is too prohibitive.

humor and tolerance

I heard him say
“My, you’re a cute little whippersnapper”
as she helped him move
changed the bed
lifting body and spirit

~ 10/2014 Aultman Hospital, Canton, OH

“whippersnapper” – typically understood to be an insult has repeatedly been used instead as an endearment in the community I grew up in.

while at the hospital – 2 poems

Two poems while spending time in the hospital with Dad.

**************************************************

He

standing by the mirror
face unknown
memory of youth
now
naked
frail
weakened

memory of showers
remembrance of shaving
smooth skin
now
wrinkled
unsteady
dry

now there is trouble, shaving a chore
nothing is comfortable
and all you can do is wait
now
tests
results
hope

~ 10/13/14 Aultman Hospital, Canton, OH.

*****************************************************************

old skin hangs on old bones
through the back of a hospital gown
the time is slow
caution steps
one day at a time
ice cream melting in the sun
life is still present
but changed
my love is still present
but changed
a time of fast questions
slow answers
and wonder

~ 10/13/14 Aultman Hospital, Canton, OH.

*******************************************

If blood will flow when flesh and steel are one
Drying in the colour of the evening sun
Tomorrow’s rain will wash the stains away
But something in our minds will always stay
Perhaps this final act was meant
To clinch a lifetime’s argument
That nothing comes from violence and nothing ever could
For all those born beneath an angry star
Lest we forget how fragile we are

On and on the rain will fall
Like tears from a star like tears from a star
On and on the rain will say
How fragile we are how fragile we are

On and on the rain will fall
Like tears from a star like tears from a star
On and on the rain will say
How fragile we are how fragile we are
How fragile we are how fragile we are