In the Samsaric world of Capitalism
I am neither positive nor negative.
I know that promises breed hope –
Without a guaranteed reality.
What will be, will be.
Not what is promised or guaranteed.
Guarantees are empty absolutes;
To live by them is to live in delusion.
If we want to remove the Samsaric sting
We must accept the beauty of a flawed reality.
Like wrinkles on a face, spots on skin & gray hair describe aging –
Broken promises reveal an imperfect reality.
Where, O Samsara, is your victory?
Where, O Samsara, is your sting?
Embrace with loving-kindness all errors and flaws.
In doing so, we redeem and ransom ourselves and others from Samsara;
From the long list of disappointment-fueled anger and sufferings.
Each of us carries within, a monster that we were born with. Depending on your religion you are taught to battle with this monster and overcome it. It has many names – Christianity calls it “original sin”. Laws are passed to control it. But I have yet to see someone who has defeated or eliminated this beast. They may be able to suppress it, lock it away, in attempts to control it; but the fact remains, it still escapes from time to time to reveal it’s threatening face. It’s this battle with the inner monster that has led people outwardly to express contempt, rage, ignorance and violence directed at self and others. In fact when in battle with the monster one is frequently overcome by the monster. One may be in battle with the monster even while trying to do good but when that happens it will lead to suffering and misunderstanding. Remember Frankenstein’s monster who accidentally drowned the little girl? The monster did harm to the child without intending. ( https://youtu.be/v5FtI472Q6I – if you need a refresher). In equating the child to the pretty flowers that were floating on the water he threw her in expecting her to float. But because the monster was in control she died which brought not only suffering to her and others but also to himself.
Has anyone thought of befriending the monster? What about treating the monster with compassion and care as if it were an injured child instead of some wild beast that must be “put down”? When we take care of our monster and treat it with compassion, love and care we can soothe the beast within preventing harm to others as well as ourselves. Preventing suffering for others and ourselves. Take care of your monster. Love your monster. Have compassion on it. It is a part of you. When you take care of it you take care of yourself. If Frankenstein had actually loved his monster and had compassion for it he would have taken care of it instead of pursuing his megalomania.
In fact it is possible that your monster can actually help you.
Your monster can be a great source of motivation. You can use it’s energy to be of benefit and do good things. It can be your energy to stay focused and press on at a time when things start to drag. This takes practice. First compassion, love and caring.
When did we learn to be afraid of our monster?
***about the photo: this image was taken at an abandoned mental institution called Molly Stark State Hospital. The local county has turned the grounds into the wonderful Molly Stark Park near Louisville, OH. The buildings still stand in their slow decay with boarded up windows and doors because the cost for demolition is too prohibitive.
The invisible net
cast over me.
Weighted to hold me down.
Resistence to slow me down,
pressing in on me,
flattening me,
doing its very best to squeeze
and crush the breath out of me.
Having tried to think of God
as freedom, boundless, expansive
Creator of endless possibilities ………
What if God is merely the cage?
The trap, or pen, to corral all that IS free.
A reaction to regret.
Regret of even imagined freedom.
The body is the cage of the spirit.
Gravity is the cage of the body.
Invisible bars to restrain and hold back
the abandoned Tower of Babel.
Like the word cages and traps the idea. In the beginning was the word…and the word WAS God.
Maybe Atheism is the cure for God!
The destruction of gravity’s cage.
The release of the spirit; free-flying bird.
The soaring on eagles wings.
Seeing, comprehending, knowing
beyond words.
The perfection of silence –
The unspoken truth of all things.
Silence: all that ever was, is and will be.
That perfection that comes immediately after
the last sizzle of water extinguishing flame.
The beauty of darkness and quiet.
Silence has no gravity.
******* About the artwork: Messages From the Future #19 (created 2013) is a digital, photo-based creation intending to question the spoken and written word. It highlights the paradoxical viewpoint of language as both lie and life simultaneously. A self-negating notion. “Silence is golden.”
I’ve been thinking lately about thinning out my music collection (now several thousand CDs strong). I’ve been thinking about what I want to keep and what would I consider a master work. I’m going to introduce you today to a recording that fits the description of Masterwork for me. I bought this recording on a whim. I had never heard of this artist before and came upon his music by chance. I liked the cover art. The name of the artist was intriguing because it didn’t seem to fit the category of jazz that it had been saddled with and it also didn’t fit the record label it was recorded on. The description which was so general as if the writer wasn’t even sure how to categorize this music made me want to investigate this music. While each track has it’s own title – I will not be singling out song titles in this review because one needs to look at them as a series of movements in the larger work. To focus on titles would do a disservice to the overall recording.
What is that recording? BIRDS REQUIEM by Dhafer Youssef on Okeh Records. Released in 2013.
Dhafer Youssef is an Oud player, vocalist and composer. His music is probably the most perfect fusion between jazz, muezzin, quranic and sufi musical styles and influences. The EPK (electronic press kit) that was released for this album had Youssef talk about his experience with observing birds in flight. For example, how a flock of birds hovering in their aerial ballet have a perfect ebb/flow, rhythm and pulse like a murmuration of starlings. The overall rhythm and pace of the album is expertly crafted with energetic and quiet points that are perfectly timed. In fact listening to the entire album in one sitting is an audio equivalent of a massive murmuration.
While listening I find myself at times quietly inspired then lifted up in elation to the point of ecstatic release. The instrumentation is an absolutely wonderful surprise. A real delightful feature is Youssef’s imaginative yet sensitive playing of the OUD (for those not familiar with this instrument: one might call it an anscestor of the lute and then later, guitar). Piano playing by Kristjan Randalu lilts through the entire album adding snippets of melody. I was surprised at the masterful contributions by trumpeter Nils-Petter Molvaer and electric guitar and effects man Elvind Aarset (both on the ECM label). The drummer Chander Sardjoe is a study in both minimalist accents and a strong backbone of support. The delightful contributions by Aytac Dogan on the zither-like kanun add such beautiful dressing on this feast for the ears. And not to be left out is the surprising use of clarinet, which I have never, NEVER heard used this way. The Clarinet is played by Hüsnu Senlendirici who plays with soul and adds a sense of life that would be sadly missing if it were absent. The musical cast is rounded out by the Bass playing of Phil Donkin which adds the appropriate bounce and lift. I would be completely incompetent if I didn’t mention the voice of Dhafer Youssef which starts low and builds; rising in registers. His voice (singing in arabic) starts mixing tones on overtones and is at times hard to distinguish between voice/clarinet/guitar ending in a climax, a musical grand release, a staggering work of stunning beauty.
In a world that is constantly on the move where music is more of a background soundtrack to the journey – this album definitely sets itself apart by becoming a destination. A place to stop,close your eyes, be quiet, listen and feel. I would strongly encourage you to purchase the downloads or (if you’re like me) the CD. It is one of those things that while purchased actually becomes priceless. A Masterwork in its own right.
Here is a video of a live performance of track 3 from the album titled Blending Souls & Shades (to Shiraz) the instrumental lineup is different (sans trumpet and clarinet) from the album but the song is still quite powerful. Enjoy.
And Lastly, Here is another video of the track Soupier Eternal (from the DIVINE SHADOWS album) filmed in Tunisia. This trio format will give you some idea of the Clarinet/voice/guitar interplay that can frequently be heard on the album and how these three “voices” are a perfect complement to each other on both recordings.
In the video [link above] Ed Moses talks about his early work in the 60’s & 70’s.
My personal take-aways from this talk.
Art is proof that we exist. It is our “mark” that is no different from footprints in the mud or handprints on the cave wall.
Art is a path we travel that documents our journey from confusion to reality. The journey is the goal.
Art is about our attempts to control our environment only to realize we don’t have any control. Or, as he say’s “…realizing that I don’t want to be in control, I want to be in-tune.”
Click the link above for the video. Enjoy.
And if you like the first video here is another great video of this artist.
“Poetry. The better you understand how it should be done,
the less you are able to write it.
Virtuosity comes with the void.”
~ Philippe Jaccottet
…and I have found this true of all things in my life, whether at work or play. My study of music theory destroyed my ability to perform. My study of Theatre disabled my ability to act. My beginning studies of art history nearly destroyed my ability to see & create. All have blinded me to the possibilities outside of limitations. In the “void” I was free. But the muse of creativity is fickle; for some, she inspires through seeing while others she inspires through blindness. How can anyone say, “There is ONE way?”
Who co-opted our values
Who changed the primary meaning of the word
Who dared to stare at the face of God
and say, “Who are you?”
and, “How much?”
When did values change to only mean
deal
sale
cheap
bargain
When did the noun co-opt the verb
Will we ever be able to recover
prize
cherish
appreciate
those things
which cannot be defined
by material value
Maybe some day
it will be an innocent child
who recovers the truth
and once again
focuses and directs
away from materialism
the values of humanity
breathing new life
into old meanings
The muffled sun
A quiet hum of tires on pavement
Sleepy twittering of the waking sparrow
Mournful train whistle in the distance
And Discreet Music by Brian Eno on the stereo.
The day comes alive in the city.
This is a selection from a series of images (so far totaling 30). In this series I am exploring the edge of image through over-exposure. All these images were taken on a photo-walk in downtown Akron one Sunday morning. Just more of my further adventures in Non-representational, non-pictorial and non-objectivism with the camera as my paintbrush. It was interesting when I submitted these to my printer they contacted me and were reluctant to print them because there was so much white. I assured them that this was intentional as I want to explore the very edge of photography and question what we define as a photograph. I’m glad I insisted. I just got the prints and they are gorgeous!
I’m imagining them all hanging on a wall next to each other much like this presentation here where they create details of a much larger work.
One of my favorite poets is Philippe Jaccottet; from Switzerland (the country of origin of my ancestors). Here are two quotes that Fit this series and the soundtrack that I’ve selected for this presentation.
“White as the absence of colour, or death;
white as the essence of color, or, perhaps,
life transcended.”
“Things can fall apart again at any moment.
I can barely hold on to them, if I hold their shadows.
What I devour like a desirable meal is perhaps no more than absence.”
~ Philippe Jaccottet
The soundtrack I’ve chosen for this is An Ending (Ascent) by Brian Eno.
Enjoy.
A photo-based digital creation.
Asking & Hearing – posted as a tribute to the late Ornate Coleman 9 Mar 1930 – 11 Jun 2015.
Cheers to the man who showed us “THE SHAPE OF JAZZ TO COME”. He also taught us that the “CHANGE OF THE CENTURY” would affirm “WHEN TOMORROW IS THE QUESTION!” and answer “FREE JAZZ” and involve “THE ART OF THE IMPROVISERS”. Right up to the end he espoused “THE NEW VOCABULARY.” Thank you for teaching us the “DANCING IN YOUR HEAD” and opening our eyes and ears to all of life’s possibilities “IN ALL LANGUAGES”.
“The idea is that two or three people can have a conversation with sounds, without trying to dominate it or lead it,” Coleman said in a 1997 interview with the French philosopher Jacques Derrida.
“What I mean is that you have to be — intelligent,” he said.
“I think the musicians are trying to reassemble an emotional or intellectual puzzle, in any case a puzzle in which the instruments give the tone.”
He had a notorious relationship with music labels. His groundbreaking works were considered on the cutting edge and he had little patience for the industry’s business side. “I’ve never had a relationship with a record executive. I always went to the record company (because of) someone that liked my playing. Then they would get fired, and I’d be left with the record company,” Coleman told Cadence Magazine in 1995.
The continuing exploration of over exposure. This adventure began in my previous series “LUMINOUS IMPRESSIONS” [which can be seen here https://www.behance.net/gallery/24471909/Luminous-Impressions ] In some ways I think over exposure is a perfect metaphor for the internet era. When a photograph is over exposed it leads to “white out” situations where details become fuzzy and unrecognizeable. I wonder if that’s what will happen to us on the internet. Will too much exposure lead to a sort of personal and cultural blindness? And, is this a bad thing?
On the other hand – because of over exposure where things are not easily identified we are left to explore other realms of the over exposed image. It can give us new feelings and be an almost spiritual exploration into the non-pictorial and non-representational image. In other words, because we cannot readily identify something we are free to redefine it on our own mental, spiritual and emotional terms. Ten people can look at a photo of a kitten and all agree that it is a kitten they are viewing but when the image is over exposed each individual can come up with their own interpretation of what they are looking at.
Click “play on the video” then click on the first image and you will be able to see it large and then press arrow button to go to next image.
The dance of life…loss… and the life that remains.
…the dance goes on….
A beautiful song and video.
Enjoy by “ABOVE THE CLOUDS OF POMPEII” BY BEARS DEN
This blog includes a lot of light and dark spots. Life is full of light and dark. While yesterdays post may have seemed darker. Today’s post is much lighter and inspirational. Enjoy.
After viewing the video. I couldn’t help but think that this example in the video is what the true mission of Jesus Christ was all about. I believe this because of What he said (when he was quoting the Old Testament prophet Isaiah,
The spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed, to proclaim the year of the lords favor.
~ Isaiah 61:1,2 & Luke 4:18,19
This video provides an example that fulfills all those things mentioned. Think about it.
It’s not about religion. It’s about life changes outside religion.
“And those who were seen dancing
were thought to be insane
by those who could not hear the music.”
~ Nietzsche
“We might say that both the artist and theneurotic bite off more than they can chew,
but the artist spews it back out again and chews it over in an objectified way, as an external, active, work project…”
~ Ernest Becker
Stendhal Syndrome: “A dominant impulse on encountering beauty is to wish to hold on to it, to possess it and give weight in one’s life…There is an urge to say, ‘I was here, I saw this, and it mattered to me.” ~ Alain de Botton
“The artist takes in the world, but instead of being oppressed by it,
he reworks it in his own personality and recreates it in the work of art.”
~ Ernest Becker
“Man cannot endure his own littleness
unless he can translate it into meaningfulness on the largest possible level” ~ Ernest Becker
And if you haven’t seen the film, OVER YOUR CITIES, GRASS WILL GROW – then I strongly encourage you to do so. Find it wherever you can. It is a stunning experience and a look into the mind and process of Anselm Kiefer. Here’s the trailer:
So I have been a fan of so-called performance art for quite a long time. It is part theater, music, writing, dance and philosophy.
I first got interested in performance art when I first saw Laurie Anderson on her “Home Of The Brave” tour. My life was forever changed. So I am pleased to announce this new artist, Lilibeth Cuenca Rasmussen, who I’ve never heard of before. For fans of aforementioned Laurie Anderson, Exene Cervenka, Meredith Monk, Robert Wilson, Grace Jones, etc.
I don’t know why but this morning I wrote in my journal some thoughts about dying. Thinking about how we as survivors sometimes make dying so difficult for those who ARE dying. And I wonder if technology is not causing more suffering in our ability to hold on to the dying for longer periods of time – in essence, not allowing them to be free.
When we die:
It’s not important what we believe when we die. It is important that we are at peace with what we believe.
If we doubt our belief, death can be a time of great suffering. And survivors are often keen on making sure the dying person believes the same as they believe – so the survivors may be at peace. But that is incredibly selfish and foolish. At time of death, it is the survivors responsibility to make sure he dying person is peace with their own beliefs – their own mind. It needs to be ALL ABOUT the dying person – not the survivor.
How do we, as survivors, smooth the way for those who are dying? How do we smooth the way to pass from this life to the next – or from one state of being to the next? Do we make it easier to slip out of this mortal coil – to free the spirit? Or, does our own suffering take precedence over the person who is dying?
Do we use technology to hold on those who are dying? If we tell doctors to do, “everything within their power” to ease the physical suffering of the individual does that just provide an illusion for the survivor that the dying person is at peace? Is medicine and technology always the best answer? Who ultimately benefits from medicine and technology – the survivor or the dying?
Death is about letting go for those who are dying and for the survivors. Here are some great thoughts on letting go and learning to let go.
One of my favorite artists. Enjoy The Divine Comedy’s LEAVING TODAY. A very poignant song considering the subject of today’s post. Listen to the lyrics as if it is a dying person saying goodbye.
and after the goodbyes have been said….TONIGHT WE FLY….the spirit of the dead survives and can be celebrated by the living in new appreciation of the life that was and the life that remains.
An Octet of B&W nature abstracts. Images are simply titled RIVER AND ICE I-VIII. Enjoy these Winter abstracts. And here is a soundtrack for these images.
Has anyone stopped to think that this is exactly what Terrorists want?
Polarization
Solidification
Determination
Reactionary rigidity
A fight
Terrorism CANNOT be prevented
Terrorism CANNOT be fought
Terrorism CANNOT win
Terrorism CAN BE overcome!
Sure people who commit criminal acts should be prosecuted.
But to increase military, police, surveillance is counter-productive.
Profiling an entire group of people under suspicion for the acts of a few is very Hitlerian.
A totalitarian state is what the Terrorists want. Don’t give in to totalitarianism in the name of security.
There is no security in life.
Our politicians, political, military and law enforcement leaders need to completely rethink their
approaches to so-called terrorism.
We need to also ask ourselves about media reporting of these events? Is there bias? How does the media use language that generalizes and therefore seems to implicate a larger group which then seems to make the problem larger than it is?
The biggest problem is that people try to understand (and fight) terrorism as if it were some sort of war between states. But terrorism (as it has come to be known) is nothing more than the criminal acts of a few individuals.
Terrorism by its nature cannot be predicted.
If you try to predict terrorism you end up with a society where people are convicted of crimes before a crime is created. We are getting closer and closer as a society to what sci-fi writer Philip K. Dick called “thought crime” in his excellent story, MINORITY REPORT (also a good movie).
How is terrorism overcome?
I think the best advice (which should be used by politicians, military, law enforcement and prison officials) comes from someone who lived a couple thousand years ago.
“You have heard that our fathers were told, ‘Eye for eye and tooth for tooth.’ But I tell you not to stand up against someone who does you wrong. On the contrary, if someone hits you on the right cheek, let him hit you on the left cheek too! If someone wants to sue you for your shirt, let him have your coat as well! And if a soldier forces you to carry his pack for one mile, carry it for two! When someone asks you for something, give it to him; when someone wants to borrow something from you, lend it to him.
“You have heard that our fathers were told, ‘Love your neighbor — and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! Then you will become children of your Father in heaven. For he makes his sun shine on good and bad people alike, and he sends rain to the righteous and the unrighteous alike. What reward do you get if you love only those who love you? ~ Jesus, The Christ (Matthew 5:38-46)
That will be the way terrorism is overcome. Again, terrorism will happen – it cannot be prevented but it can be overcome.
MESSAGES FROM THE FUTURE #42
I’M YOUR HOPE
WHAT YOU’VE BECOME
Sure, everyone is praying for the “victims” which is good. But what about the boys who committed these crimes? Are you praying for them to or do you just think they “should get what’s coming to them”.
I STRONGLY ENCOURAGE you pray FOR the boys who committed these crimes.
Don’t pray about them, pray FOR them.
THE ENOCH CODEX
I have long been interested in language. The written and spoken word are abstractions of ideas. Spoken it is a “performance” but when “written” becomes “law”…. To get back to the original idea we must often deconstruct language. Irreverence is the highest form of art. Even language has a life cycle 🙂
Enjoy this…the music of Philip Glass from SYMPHONY NO. 5.
Track#3 – “The Creation Of Sentient Beings”
The image above is another work using my “visual glossolalia” approach to creating digital art. It is comprised of the text from seven different photos of signs etc. Added a couple of texture layers for effect.
About the Title. A codex is simply a book that was written on wood or papyrus etc – in a world before paper. Often a codex is affiliated with ancient and “dead” languages from which a code/law is documented. Who is Enoch? The first disappearing act in history?
Enoch walked with GOD; then he was no more, for God took him. ~ Genesis 5:24 (JPS)
It’s interesting that in these early accounts of lineage in the bible all other descendants of Adam are listed as having “died”. Only Enoch is listed as “was no more…for God took him.”
There are other stories of “magical” disappearances like the later story of Elijah(Eliyahu) in 2 Kings 2:11, “Eliyahu went up into heaven in a whirlwind.” and even the ascension of Jesus (Yeshua) in Mark 16:19, “So then, after he had spoken to them, the Lord Yeshua was taken up into heaven and sat at the right hand of God.” It may be loosely related to the story in acts of Philip and the Ethiopian Eunuch (Acts 8:39) where “the spirit of the lord snatched Philip away.”
All these disappearances in the Bible. But Enoch was the first. What happens when the meaning of text disappears and all that is left is the text itself? Can it still be understood? Is one meaning replaced with another? And when this happens how can we be sure of the right meaning? This is something that also happens with translation where the meaning of something is changed when the language is changed from one cultural context to another.
What do you think?
“Language is a virus from outer space.” ~ William S Burroughs
That we CAN have a relationship directly with you.
In this way he was the door, the gate,
Through which your spirit that dwells within us
Has been awakened.
We thank you for this awakening that removes all Hindrance
Even if that separation is political, social, religious
And now we thank you for this meal
And time of togetherness between family and friends
We bless this meal in the name of Jesus
That it may give us physical strength and stamina
We bless you that you may give us the mental and spiritual strength and stamina
To be a blessing to others we come in contact with;
Removing all wrong perceptions
In Jesus name, Amen.
I believe the best prayers are not prayers of thanks and requests (or to use consumerism terms – supply and demand). The best prayers are when we pray what we believe – not what we want or hope for. For example when we pray the Lords prayer do we hope these things are true that are mentioned OR do we really believe them? And how do we believe them?
Maybe some day I’ll dissect and expound on the Lords prayer specifically.
But for now – Merry Christmas everyone. Enjoy one of my favorite Christmas songs.
“Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ and behold, the log is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.” ~ Jesus [Matthew 7:3-5 NASB]
I’ve been trying to get the logs out of my own eyes for years – and will probably keep working on it for the rest of my life. It’s funny how easily our perceptions are blocked [log-jammed] and muddied by emotions. Emotions are a fact of being human – and self-control of those emotions is key. I find it interesting that one of the characteristics of “love” in the Bible is “self-control” but that characteristic is seldom preached – maybe because it’s difficult to look at oneself with the critical eye of awareness. Many people seek to control others and define their happiness in that context.
I’ve read a lot of wisdom literature over the years and have found (even in my own experience) that happiness is fleeting. Happiness is fickle. Happiness is something people constantly strive for only to see it slip through their fingers like sand. So what do we do when we aren’t happy? If we are seldom happy is that a bad thing? How do we cope, or what emotion is happiness replaced with when it skips merrily on its way?
I have found that happiness is the wrong thing to focus on (contrary to what all those self-help gurus say) When we are happy we naturally relax and enjoy the moment. But once it’s gone we immediately try to re-capture, control, and try to manipulate external circumstances to get back to that happiness state. Many people, unfortunately, despair and long for past happiness (“I remember when….”). But this is the mistake.
THE DREAM:
On September 29, 2014 I woke up early from a dream I had. I wrote the dream in my journal. I thought I knew what it meant – turns out it has multiple applications (for me). Now for the dream:
In my dream I was fighting a fierce dragon. It was boastful, conniving, cruel and threatening. I only had a sword. The dragon didn’t have to move around a lot. It was so much bigger than me it just seemed to mock me as I searched for its weak point. The dragon started to yawn and I seized the moment to go for the mouth. With one eye open the beast snapped its jaws down on my sword and with iron like strength just held on. I couldn’t move that sword no matter how hard I tried. I wasn’t going to let go either because the sword was my only weapon. We were at stalemate. Neither one willing to budge. I decided that instead of pulling the sword out – an impossible task – I would try the opposite and push it further in. I pushed with all my might and with a snicker the dragon opened it’s jaws wide and I went tumbling into its mouth. With one self-satisfied gulp the beast swallowed me. Inside I could hear echoes of its satisfied, mocking laughter. It all happened so fast, and caught me by surprise. I was tumbling down its steamy, moist throat just trying to get my bearings on the long journey despairing of my loss and my situation. I came to an opening which I presumed to be the dragons stomach and expected to be digested and totally consumed. Instead I noticed in this opening, fresh air, a breeze, sunshine the sound of birds and children laughing. It was a whole other universe. Familiar yet different. I saw clear skies and saw people enjoying themselves just like the world I had come from. It was magical and different – somehow better. I just stood in wonder and amazement asking myself who had really won – the dragon or myself and its other victims?
LOST HAPPINESS:
So what do you do when happiness is gone? What is the cause of your unhappiness? What emotions replace happiness? Anger, envy, jealousy, bitterness, fear, hatred or despair? Maybe it’s a combination of these emotions. How do you deal with these darker emotions? I recently (again) have lost my happiness at work. In fact I would say I hate my job. It is not the job I was hired to do. And after some corporate restructuring things seem to have gone “haywire” and all akimbo. I’ve dreaded going to work and have been stressed, frustrated and angry. So I have some decisions to make. Do I look at the situation and blame management, the union, or other people for the loss of my happiness? Or, do I look at myself? Do I look at my blocked perception and try to “fix” myself instead of something I can’t possibly win against?
On November 14, 2014 I wrote in my journal:
All things come to an end. But when one thing ends another begins. Happiness never lasts forever. When happiness is gone, what replaces it? Is the thing that replaces happiness worse than the thing that displaced happiness in the first place? I’ve been fortunate to know happiness in the past. Now that happiness is gone – do I get to choose what replaces it?
Initially I interpreted the dream as: whether I am facing an enemy or adversity I will remember the dragon. Because whether I fight or surrender the outcome is the same. One life is merely changed for another. I live on either way.
And I keep a small note on my computer monitor at work now with the words “remember the dragon.” This has helped in my work situation. I can see that the dragon is my work environment. And since I’m in the belly of the beast It may not be as bad as I thought. This interpretations definitely works on one level but I came to realize some other things.
With my understanding of the dream and recent questions of happiness I started asking questions about the perceived source of my unhappiness. The questions themselves began to evolve.
Do I need to look for another job? Yes. What will I do? At 54 I don’t even know anymore. There’s nothing I “want” to do. Nothing I need to prove anymore. What kind of work can I do? Same as above Can I do the job I have now? Absolutely! Is there benefit to the job I have now? Yes, I can eat and pay bills. What would the consequences be for taking another job with another company? Answer: most likely, based on past experience, starting at lower pay than I’m making now and eventual dis-satisfaction. Do I need to look for another job? No
When I was in my teens, 20’s and even my 30’s I thought I could, would and wanted to change the world. Now that I’m in my mid 50’s I realize I can only change myself. Change my perceptions. It’s been a long difficult road and I’m sorry for any harm I’ve done along the way.
So, back to work. When I realized I didn’t need to look for another job the next task became – how to survive my current work situation. I remembered that happiness is fleeting. Happiness is not a requirement and need not be a benefit of doing a good job. There will always be times I hate my job. And having “processed” all this before I went to work yesterday – it changed my whole day. Work was the same, all haywire and akimbo but I had changed. I was less stressed and when things were “thrown at me” (figurative) I may have been frustrated or even angry but I quickly got over it and moved on. I stopped seeing the company, management, union, co-workers as those who were making my life miserable. And realized they were just doing their job with their own frustrations, stress etc. It was all ‘n all a good day which is about all I can hope for until happiness returns. Just being less stressed made such a HUGE difference. I’m not perfect so I suspect on Monday I’ll have to remind myself again about this lesson.
CONCLUSION:
While happiness seems to have escaped me and things may not be pleasant right now – the good news is, I believe that happiness, being fickle, will return. And I will enjoy it when it does. In the meantime I know that I can be less stressed, less angry, less frustrated, less fearful, less hateful and more tolerant at work. While I may have removed only a “splinter” from my own perceptions – there are plenty of logs (wrong perceptions) left for me to work on. All by the grace of God.
Thanks for reading. I hope it may benefit someone.
... on being and becoming ... 