Cocoon

mobius faith · COCOON

I am in a personal, creative, social,
emotional and professional cocoon.
Once a caterpillar,
I thought I understood life.
Now it feels like time has passed me by
and I no longer understand or
recognize the world I live in:
irrelevant, voiceless, useless.
I can’t move.
Wrapped in blankets on a bed.
Cocooned in my cotton chrysalis.
I peer out through fuzzy threads
and see people moving about,
attempts at normalcy.
But, I have no desire.
I am weak and sickly;
left to the shadows of a previous life.
I have neither the will nor the strength.
I’m left to wonder if I will emerge from this cocoon
to a new life,
a new type of existence
or if I will die in my encasement.
Will I be able to break free and
enjoy new life?
A new existence?
Better Health?
Feeling “at one” with the world around me?
Or will this shell become my abattoir
slaughtered in silence.
Perhaps I will emerge an avatar
able to engage, teach, foster and encourage the souls who remain?
“If you live long enough and hang in long enough
the world will learn to love you again” (*)
So, now is the time of waiting
and hanging in there
waiting for the metamorphosis to complete
as I wonder….

Will I be a butterfly or a moth?
Will I dine on the sweet nectar of milkweed?
Will I flit and flutter toward the light of my undoing?
In the end the question is not “how?” but “when?”
Even butterflies can die in their cocoon.

* quote by Toya Willcox in the liner notes to her new boxed set.

Escaping One's Own Shadow

ESCAPING ONE’S OWN SHADOW

FUCK THE MASK!

The Mask is the law according to our State Governor. It is a law based on fear. Fear of becoming sick. Fear of making others sick. Fear of death. My conscience will not let me wear a mask. By not wearing a mask, “I quietly declare war on the State.”

I heartily accept the motto, ‘That government is best which governs least’; and I should like to see it acted up to more rapidly and systematically. Carried out, it finally amounts to this, which also I believe- ‘That government is best which governs not at all’; and when men are prepared for it, that will be the kind of government which they will have. “

“When I converse with the freest of my neighbors, I perceive that, whatever they may say about the magnitude and seriousness of the question, and their regard for the public tranquillity, the long and the short of the matter is, that they cannot spare the protection of the existing government, and they dread the consequences to their property and families of disobedience to it. For my own part, I should not like to think that I ever rely on the protection of the State.”

“The authority of government, … can have no pure right over my person and property but what I concede to it. “

The quotes above are from Henry David Thoreau’s essay on Civil Disobedience. More important now than at any other recent time in our history. All of life is a risk. Another blogger recently posted a plaintive plea to “please wear a mask” stating that 1 in every 20 people may get sick if you don’t. Well to that I add. That’s still 19 in 20 that will not! COVID-19 is natures way of “correcting” the impact of the human population on the planet. Nature always wins.

Wearing a mask does NOT mean you will not die. Wearing a mask does NOT mean you will not make others sick. Wearing a mask does NOT mean you will not get sick. Wearing a mask does NOT mitigate your fear. Your fear of death, your fear of illness or your fear of the government gives you NO right to impinge on the rights of others who believe differently.

So don’t give me your false short-sighted narratives espoused by the media, politicians and religion. The real heroes are those who are immune, asymptomatic and recovered because they are the future of the human race. In short, I REFUSE to live YOUR fear.

*if you “like” this post you either didn’t read it or your agree with it. I prefer the latter.

I was born….

I WAS BORN

I was born in 1960. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  I will turn 60 in 2020.
I turned 20 in 1980. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  I will turn 80 in 2040.
I turned 40 in the year 2000. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

All of my present has been
neurotically ricocheting
back and forth between
my past and my future.

I turned 40 in the year 2000.
When I turn 00
I will return to
what I was
before I was born

At peace.
At home.
In total oneness with
existence and nonexistence.

… on… my disappearance….

Identity presence existence metaphysic existential reality:
these are the issues.

“Life is an illusion and we trick ourselves into thinking and believing it’s real.”           ~ mobius faith diaries

When I took this photo (below) I was fascinated by the door handles, lock and chain. But as is often the case – after I got home and started processing the image I realized something quite disturbing. I was standing directly in front of these doors but nowhere in the image. No reflection of the photographer. Where had I gone? Where was the photographer? I suddenly began to question my existence for some reason. I began to doubt all that I thought I knew was real. I just could not fathom…. logic told me that when someone is standing in front of an object that is casting a reflection that person should be part of the reflection. But here, the glass doors were reflecting the street behind me but showed no interest in reflecting me – the reflected image was not interested in my narcissistic obsession. Okay so this is the stuff of nightmares. I actually did have a nightmare about this the night I processed this image. There had to be some logical explanation. There was NO “photoshopping” of this image to remove my reflection. I had simply disappeared at some point in time between the time I pressed the button on the shutter and when the shutter closed again. This was during the day so there was no time-lapse – I was shooting at full speed.

Locked Between Two Worlds

I noticed the crack/space where the two door meet. Had I disappeared into the crack of dark space. And if so how come I have no recollection? If we cease to exist do we have no recollection of what came before? If we cease to exist on this plane do we just start some other existence with no remembrance of the existence we had when we were mortal corporeal beings? Had I crossed some astral plane to the other side of the doors and was looking out? At one point I did actually wonder if I was looking out or looking in thru these doors. One can see the windows in the vacant dark space which contrast with the reflection of the street. But again, I began to question – is this a reflection of the windows or reflections of the street?

Your music moment today is provided by Khôra featuring their track ONE IS THE OTHER from their album Silent Your Body Is Endless on my favorite Canadian Label (Constellation Records).

***The truth of the matter – destroy your illusions – reflections have a way of bending.  And that’s exactly what happened in this image.  As you can see in the photo there is a space between the doors which means they were not sealed tightly shut.  They were bowed out slightly reflecting the sides of the entrance and the street behind.  The doors were bowed out enough to allow me to stand in the crack or space between without being in the reflection.   You can figure out exactly how much if you measure the angle in the reflections which seem to close in behind me.  Also logic tells me (and you hopefully) that there is no entranceway like this that narrows then gets wider as you get closer to the door.  Think of a theater – outside on the sidewalk the entrance is wide and then funnels you into the doors not the other way around.

Bottom line.  I no longer have nightmares about getting lost and disappearing.  I CAN understand, appreciate and enjoy when it does happen.  🙂

….on….universal witness…

“Through our eyes, the universe is perceiving itself.
Through our ears, the universe is listening to its harmonies.
We are the witnesses through which the universe becomes
conscious of its glory, of its magnificence.”

― Alan W. Watts

12-shadows-frozen-reflections-evn-smlr

…on… nowhere

EXIT TO NOWHERE
Exit To Nowhere smlr

Where is Nowhere?
Can you take me there?
Will others welcome me?

What will it look like?
Will it be someplace just like here?
Will I be entering a place everyone else is trying to leave?

Is there a road to nowhere?
Is there a train to nowhere?
Is there a door to nowhere?

Nowhere is home
Somewhere is always someplace else
The elusive “other”

Always going and never arriving
Living the dream
While ignoring reality

White line fever
Tracks of our tears
Knocking on the doors of opportunity never to be opened.

We have taken the exit and are now here.

…3 Days…

Recent entries from the mobius journals…

080415

I love morning best
the blanket of stillness
and pillows of quiet
cushion the new day
as it emerges snail-like
from the shell of night & sleep

080515

today I am without words
without pen
that double-edged sword
which carves out of the imagination
shapes on paper
proof of one’s existence

080615

in memoria of Barb H. (friend and co-worker)

SUDDEN DEATH
two words full of weight and anxiety
like a sinking stone
that gives no right for the sun to shine
sunshine and sadness
the eternal conflict
minuano(*) wind
comes to rest in an instant
forever peace
quiet night
living only in dreams
and happy memories



*(from wikipedia)The Minuano is a cold wind that blows in the South of Brazil and in Uruguay. It is widely mentioned in the Gaúcho folklore of the region. This wind originates from cold polar fronts that come from the Southwest of South America during periods of high atmospheric pressure, usually following rains caused by the shock of the cold front with warmer stationary humid air. Some times it produces a “howling” sound.

Your Weekend Gift ~ If You Want It

Peace of mind. 3 words just loaded with meaning when joined together as an idea. They suggests not only mental but also spiritual and physical states of existence. It is, [sadly] too often, something longed for but seldom experienced. So how does one experience peace of mind? I think it is a gift that we need only receive to experience. Can you receive it? Can I? Do we need help receiving it? One of the beautiful things about peace of mind is that it doesn’t remove us from life’s difficulties but gives us a way to deal with difficulties that is both positive and beneficial not only for ourselves but others. So for those who want to escape life’s difficulties – I’m sorry peace of mind will not provide escape. But it will allow you to perceive life struggles as if they were moving in slow motion giving you time to respond effectively. Peace of mind is natural state of existence that, in this day and age, is constantly under attack from exterior forces – often created by ourselves. We tend to blame others and don’t take responsibility for how we have had a part in creating this noise that disrupts our natural state of being.

So, how do I achieve peace of mind? Here are some easy steps. Once the practice is established it doesn’t take long to receive this gift.

1. Stop – just stop what you are doing.

2. Find a quiet place that you enjoy being in. [I have several places I can go – even at work – if I need just a couple of minutes to reconnect to this gift.]

3. Sit. [close your eyes if needed] Focus on your breathing for a couple of minutes. Then…

4. Take responsibility and admit to yourself that you have also had a share in disrupting peace of mind – either for yourself or others.

5. Think about and see the things around your daily life that disrupt your peace of mind. It might be technology or other people – even family.

6. Letting go: Forgive yourself for how you have disrupted your own peace of mind and the peace of mind of others.Then forgive others for how they have disrupted your peace of mind.

7. Receive your peace of mind [you may have to verbalize it at first saying, “Thank you, I receive this peace of mind”]. Imagine how to carry it with you through out your day at work, with family, strangers and friends.

Some people may need help receiving peace of mind. Look for ways to help them receive and achieve peace of mind. Give them peace of mind. This will also help your own peace of mind. Give the gift of peace of mind. I give it to you. Right now. Can you receive it, and accepting it, be grateful?

Music often plays a role in my experience of peace of mind. The video is for one of my favorite Japanese artists Missa Johnuchi. Enjoy this song. I apologize, in advance, that I don’t have a translation for the Japanese lyrics. But again it’s the music itself that I find to be the very expression of peace of mind – like it’s title. [If any reader does have a translation of lyrics please post in your comment. Thanks.]

PEACE OF MIND by UNESCO Artist for Peace, musician/composer/conductor Missa Johnuchi

Go in peace.